I used to not want to be too busy with clients — a great problem to have, right? It’s not just the time you set aside with the client; it’s the prep work, the messages, the aftercare, and the energy it takes out of you (which can vary from client to client).
I wanted to be in control of my time and energy, and sometimes it felt like everything happened so quickly that I’d end up busy and overwhelmed. I love having my own business; one of the reasons I’m self-employed is to be in control of my time and build my business around my life. You can probably relate; you start a business to have more freedom, then feel trapped by sessions you said “yes” to that don’t really work for you.
Being in control made me feel safe; it was the bit of my business I could manage when working with people felt unpredictable — the last-minute cancellations, clients needing to change sessions because of injury or illness. Experiences like that used to throw me. So when the same fear crept in recently, it surprised me when it soon disappeared. Something had shifted.
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Awareness
I felt a knot in my stomach, my heart started racing, and a nervous energy buzzed around my body — it was the fear of being too busy, of losing control of my time and energy.
The old version of me would have tried to control the situation immediately. The new version noticed it, acknowledged it, and let it go.
I remember years ago, clients would want specific times and days, and I’d say “yes” out of fear of not having enough clients. What if one of my other clients leaves and I should have just taken them on? So I said “yes” again and again and again. I was working with 6:30 a.m. clients right through to 8 or 9 p.m. at night. I was exhausted and overwhelmed. In the first year, I also had a part-time job, and I reached burnout — I was sick, overweight, and tired.
Over the past ten years, I’ve learnt to recognise the signs when the same alarm bells start ringing — the sensations in my body and the thoughts that race around my mind. I stop and listen.
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Stretching Through Challenge
My dad used to go cycling and would say that cycling further would “stretch the elastic band” for shorter rides. After having Harry, my elastic band stretched for overwhelm and busyness; I had more tolerance for it.
I was chatting to a mum at the park the other day, and we agreed parenting is one of the hardest parts of our day. Particularly when someone asks me something and Harry needs my attention, or when we’re in soft play with all the lights and noise — the “old me” would have been unable to cope with switching from client work to toddler life. I used to need everything planned and structured; I even joked that I’d never see my spontaneous friend because our styles were so different. Now, as much as I try to plan the day, it never goes as planned. I’ve learned to go with the flow and not worry about how it looks.
My elastic band has been stretched. I can see how this has helped me surrender and adapt to what’s happening, rather than resist it.
It’s also helped me in business. I have more headspace for clients after working through the difficult challenges that have come with having Harry. Nothing seems as difficult as dealing with a toddler who’s wee’d everywhere and is dancing in it — and while you’re clearing that up, he’s off causing some other mischief. When I have a change in plan or an influx of clients, I’m quick to problem-solve and see what works for me.
I stop, accept the thoughts and feelings that appear, and they slowly start to diminish.
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Trust Yourself
I’m not saying you should make yourself busy. Accepting thoughts and feelings doesn’t mean you must say yes to everything. What I’m saying is there’s a real cost to the anxiety that comes from needing to control everything. I’m not willing to let anxiety or overwhelm hang around for too long — we only have one life, right? I’ve learnt to trust myself instead.
This has helped me develop a different kind of confidence; one that comes from shifting from control to trust. I know I have the skills to be decisive, to know what I want and need, and to handle challenges calmly.
As the anxiety faded, I found myself pausing and asking:
“What availability do I have?”
“What would work for my diary?”
“How much energy do I have to give to clients each day and week?”
I know that if something doesn’t fit with what I’ve decided, I’m happy to say “no”. My time and energy are too precious, and what’s the point of being self-employed if you can’t choose the hours you want?
If ten years of personal development and being coached has taught me one thing, it’s that when challenges with clients arise, I can handle them without conflict and resolve issues quickly.
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Over to You
When things speed up or feel uncertain, remind yourself that control isn’t what keeps your business steady — you are. That awareness lets you meet growth with calm instead of fear.
Is there anywhere in your business where you feel the need to be in control? Take a moment to reflect.
- Do you resist being busy because you fear burnout or losing freedom? Or maybe you’re too busy right now and want to change that?
- What skills do you already have that would let you trust yourself more?
- Are there any skills you could build to increase that trust?
- What are the things you said “yes” to this month when you really wanted to say “no”?
- Where have you said “no” — and you’re proud of yourself for it?
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Embrace the Flow
My coach said to me last week: “You’ve imagined what might happen, and that’s why you haven’t taken action. What if it doesn’t happen? What if the outcome you’re scared of never comes to fruition? And if it does, you have the skills to deal with it powerfully.”
This week I embraced an influx of clients and the sense of being out of control. I am in control — I can stand back and ask what I want and need. I can say “no”.
I love the peace that comes with trusting myself instead of trying to control everything. The more I trust myself, the less I need control, and the more my business grows with ease.
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