I was listening to a podcast the other day, actually it was the same one I wrote about last week: Mel Robbins’ How to Communicate with Confidence and Ease. As I listened to the rest of the episode, it got me thinking about how we create conversations with clients and build rapport without it becoming meaningless small talk.
Let’s face it, small talk all the time can be hard work.
When conversation doesn’t flow, it can feel like walking through thick mud. You’re wondering when it’s going to end, constantly clock-watching, exhausted by the end of the session and hoping it never happens again.
As I listened to Mel Robbins and her guest, Dr Alison Wood Brooks, I noticed that a lot of the techniques they spoke about are things I do naturally with my clients.
The difference it makes is genuinely life-changing (you might think I’m being dramatic), but honestly, unless you’ve had conversations that flow in every session, you don’t realise how draining small talk is.
As a business owner, the impact on my business has been huge. My client retention is high, and for me, there are two main reasons to maintain that:
1. You get to keep working with the clients you love working with.
2. You don’t have to keep spending money, time and energy trying to find and onboard new clients.
So, let’s talk about how you can start and maintain meaningful conversations that build real connection and build instant rapport with your clients.
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Rewind
Let’s rewind a moment to where you might be right now, and where I was years ago.
Some clients I had, I’d get on with like a house on fire. It felt like catching up with an old friend every week. We had lots in common, the conversation was easy and I looked forward to seeing them.
Then there were other clients:
- Ones where silence filled the session and I was desperately scraping together pieces of conversation, fearing the awkwardness.
- The ones where I didn’t know what to say (or was secretly a bit intimidated by them and their opinions).
- Or the ones where conversation stayed surface-level, all small talk and no connection.
You probably have your own version of these categories.
When I dug deeper into why I resisted those situations so much, I realised it was because I believed that if I didn’t have great conversations, we wouldn’t build rapport, and the client wouldn’t come back.
If that’s where you are right now, you’re not alone. The good news is that conversation is a skill you can learn.
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Talk to Anyone, Anywhere, About Anything
Now I can literally talk to anyone, anywhere, about anything… and here’s how.
I gave up the idea that true connection comes from talking non-stop for an hour, and I also let go of the belief that everyone is the right client for me (and that I’m the right person for everyone).
Then I became genuinely interested.
I’ll often start with simple questions like:
“How was your weekend?”
“What are you having for dinner?”
“How’s your day been?”
They might respond, “I’m cooking a new recipe, pasta linguine.”
You could say, “Oh lovely! Do you do much cooking?”
See how that small follow-up starts to build curiosity? You might even have something relevant to share about yourself.
Most people aren’t genuinely interested; they pretend to be. You have to really want to create a connection and find out what’s important to your clients.
In Mel’s podcast, Dr Brooks suggests going into conversations with topics ready. I write down prompts to remind myself to ask about things like their recent holiday or to follow up on something they mentioned the week before. Remembering details and building on previous conversations shows you’re listening, care and that builds trust.
You don’t have to be interesting. You have to be interested.
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The Power of: “Are You Okay?”
This is an important but tricky question, especially if you’re like me and you’ve got things to discuss and want to get the session started. But don’t skip it; it matters for many reasons.
Start by checking in with the person; asking how they are builds rapport. You’re inviting them to share something about their world, and your showing that you genuinely care about what they have to say. It also gives you insight into their mindset as they start the session. Are they stressed? Tired? Happy? Those things can shape how they engage with you that day.
Now, it is a tricky question, because some people have a lot going on and want to share. It can easily eat into your session, and you might start to feel anxious watching the time tick away. The key is to validate what they’ve shared, then gently transition: “I hear that it’s been a tough week. Let’s see if today’s session can help clear your head a bit.”
Don’t skip human connection for the sake of efficiency.
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Questions and Listening
Most people think they’re listening, but often, they’re just waiting to respond. Especially when the conversation isn’t flowing or you’re eager to move things along.
Great questions are open-ended ones like: “How’s your exercise been this week?”
Or you can also use reflective questions like: “You were going to exercise three times last week, how did that go?”
Then (and this part is key) put all your opinions, assumptions and thoughts aside. Listen to everything they say (and don’t say): their words, tone, energy and expectations.
Active listening allows you to:
- Make sure the client actually answers the question.
- Check they understand what’s being discussed.
- Help them feel heard and valued.
- Keep the conversation going with a natural follow-up question.
You probably can relate to where your thoughts drift mid-conversation. You suddenly realise you’ve missed half of what they said and have no idea how to respond. In that case, it’s perfectly fine to say: “Sorry, could you repeat that for me?”
Honesty keeps the rapport alive.
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When the Conversation Stops
I’ve had clients in the past where, no matter what I said, the conversation just… stopped. I’d try so hard to find new topics. I’d feel anxious before each session, thinking, “What are we going to talk about this time?”
The time would drag… and all because I was stuck in my own thinking. I thought that if we didn’t talk, we couldn’t build rapport, and then they’d leave.
Here’s how I see it now:
If we don’t build rapport and they choose to leave, maybe they aren’t the right client for me and I’m not the right person for them.
Silence is okay. Some people don’t talk much, and they’re happy with that. Conversations are a two-way street and it’s about finding the right balance.
After ten years of working with many different clients, I’ve realised there’s no single “right” way to interact. You’ll have different relationships and different kinds of conversations with different people. That’s what makes connection human.
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Conversation Habits
Over the years, I’ve found some habits that keep conversations natural and genuine:
Practice active listening
Be fully present. Pay attention to non-verbal cues. Create space for your clients to share what they need to share.
Show empathy
Validate how the client feels. You don’t need to agree with what happened but you can acknowledge their experience before jumping in with a solution. Listen and understand before trying to fix.
Confirm understanding
Summarise what you’ve heard or validate their feelings to make sure you understood them correctly. It’s perfectly fine if you need clarification and it shows you care about getting it right.
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Strategy for Better Conversations
Start with a check-in before diving into what you need to discuss. Build connection and see how their day has been; it may be relevant to your session or impact it in some way.
Then, create a natural transition into your topic or session focus. Use curious, insightful questions to guide the conversation. Think of it like a flowing river; you don’t need to control every turn, just stay engaged and let it move naturally.
Be consistent. Follow through on what you promise – that’s how you build trust. The more your clients trust you, the more they’ll open up and want to engage in meaningful conversation.
(If you haven’t already, see my blog on building trust through communication, it links perfectly with this.)
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When you’re worried about awkward silences, you actually make them more likely. That anxiety takes you out of the moment and makes conversation harder to flow.
But if you learn to be curious and listen deeply, you’ll never run out of things to talk about.
Practice with friends, family or even strangers you bump into. The more you practice, the more you’ll know yourself as someone who can talk to anyone, anywhere, about anything and create real connection in the process.
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