I was sitting there, watching the clock and waiting for my next session. 15 minutes before the session I started to get ready; making sure I knew what to do in the session, the internet worked and I was mentally ready for the session. Then I looked at my phone; a message from my client… no, not a cancellation but I was an hour late to the session. They’d done a session by themselves and said they’d see me next week. Ah, I quickly checked my phone to see what the time we agreed was, and they were right… I was an hour late – I’d written it in my diary wrong.
I messaged my client and apologised and did what I needed to do to make it right.
Most people struggle because they think they shouldn’t encounter these situations or they need to know exactly how to respond in every difficult conversation and situation, but this is impossible.
We place unrealistic expectations on ourselves.
“I should never have got myself into this situation. I should know how to deal with all situations that come up.”
Instead, I started to reflect. I messaged my coach to look at how I felt and thought in that given moment. I felt off guard; I knew myself to be an organised person, I felt stupid, ashamed, annoyed. I looked at what I could be responsible for and also compassion I could give myself. What I could put in place for next time.
You might have been in similar situations where you’ve done something (or maybe your client did something) and you felt “off”. Maybe you freeze, react emotionally, overthink, avoid or question yourself. Feel shame, frustration, hesitate, you replay the situation over and over in your head. You tell yourself it shouldn’t have happened and try to avoid making mistakes next time. You feel bad… and that feeling sticks.
This is the real impact of believing you should have it all worked out.
You’re not struggling with the situation.
You’re struggling with the pressure you put on yourself to get it right.
You’re a human being and you’re going to make mistakes. What if the goal wasn’t to get it right, but to trust that you have the tools to respond in the moment? Handling difficult situations, managing emotions, and communicating effectively are skills; and like any skill, they’re built over time through experience.
When I first started my business, I remember driving down the M6 in my green Clio listening to sales tapes. They gave you phrases to use to get other people to buy things off you. Looking back, this wasn’t the answer.
I didn’t need a script. I needed presence.
I needed to actually be in the conversation with someone. Awareness. Listening. Responding instead of reacting.
My default reaction was to people please, avoid or become defensive. That’s what I needed to work on. Not memorising the “right” words, but developing emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
I had to stop making everything about me, and start looking at what would actually make the relationship work. Reflecting and asking:
“How did I handle that?”
Instead of:
“Why did I say that?”
One builds awareness. The other builds shame.
I’d avoid situations because I didn’t like the uncomfortable feeling that came with them… difficult conversations, conflict or saying something that might not land well. But avoiding those moments doesn’t build confidence, it reinforces fear.
Until I realised something simple: discomfort is part of growth.
The more I practised, the less uncomfortable it felt. The conversations didn’t change, I did.
You’re not supposed to already know everything (and it doesn’t matter how old you are). Personal development, communication skills, confidence… These are things you build over time if you allow yourself to. Instead of putting pressure on yourself and saying “I should know this” or “This shouldn’t happen to me”, let go of that expectation.
Replace it with:
“I’m learning how to handle this.”
Confidence doesn’t come before the situation, it comes after you’ve been through it enough times. You don’t build confidence from reading books, watching videos or consuming more information. You build it by being in the situation, getting it wrong, reflecting and going again.
I used to love a new course, a book or a video that gave me more information. It felt productive. It felt like progress. But I quickly realised that real progress in this area (handling pressure, improving communication) doesn’t come from knowing more.
It comes from doing more.
Progress comes from repeated exposure, not one perfect moment. From being in conversations where you don’t quite say it right. From handling situations where you feel unsure. From showing up when you’d rather avoid it.
You won’t handle every situation well, and that’s fine.
There will be moments where you react emotionally. Moments where you say the wrong thing. Moments where you wish you handled it differently. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re in the process.
What matters is responding slightly better next time.
Maybe next time you pause instead of reacting.
You say what you actually mean instead of avoiding it.
Listen instead of defending.
That’s progress.
Over time, something starts to shift. The situations don’t change; you still deal with people, pressure, uncertainty, difficult conversations. But your ability to handle them improves.
Your mindset changes.
Communication improves.
Your reactions become responses.
And that’s where real confidence comes from.
Not from getting it right every time, but from trusting yourself to deal with whatever comes up.
Because it was never about the situation.
It was about the way you showed up in it.
And the moment you stop expecting yourself to know everything…
is the moment you start handling things better.
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