In 119 days I’m due to give birth to a little baby, and I couldn’t be happier. What comes with giving birth for most women, though, is a hormone crash and fluctuations after that.
You may be able to relate to what I’m about to share if you’ve ever been stressed, had a few too many drinks and dealt with the hangover the next day, felt run down, or been ill. Everything becomes harder. Around three months after a baby is born, a woman enters what’s often called the fourth trimester. What becomes extremely difficult during this time are those tricky conversations. Everything is magnified.
So for the next 119 days, I’ll be looking at what needs to be said now to make my fourth trimester easier.
For you, it might be a busy period coming up where you know your stress levels will be higher. It might be that just before your period you feel like a firecracker waiting to explode. Maybe you have a new launch coming up and already feel more vulnerable, so conversations seem more sensitive than they normally would.
What can you do when conversations become harder because of life?
It’s not actually that conversations themselves are harder, although in the moment it really feels like they are. It’s that your capacity is lower and your sensitivity is higher.
I know that when I’m in this space, I’m more likely to react, and that reaction is often bigger. That creates more tension and less cooperation in the conversation. My emotional bandwidth is shorter, so I can deal with less.
I have a two-year-old. On a good night’s sleep, with low stress, I can tolerate asking him multiple times to get dressed. I have more patience, more empathy, more understanding for my little cherub. But catch me on hourly wake-ups through the night, and my tolerance drops. Everything becomes more personal. My perception gets skewed. Sometimes it can feel like he’s doing it on purpose… when actually, he’s just a two-year-old.
The same goes for your clients, your partner, your team… Everyone has their own past, their own wiring, their own reasons for being the way they are. You can’t control them. You can only control how you respond and how you handle difficult conversations.
And when life gets bumpy, it gets even tougher.
So instead of waiting for life to calm down, what if you prepared for it?
I know the fourth trimester is coming, just like winter follows autumn. So let’s prepare for the storm.
In moments of stress, hormone shifts or exhaustion, you can always be responsible for your part. Awareness, responsibility and the willingness to be accountable are essential for healthy relationships and effective communication.
You might not get it right in the moment. It might come out clumsily. Your tone might be off. You might hold it in and say it later than you intended. But you can always come back to the conversation and take responsibility for your part.
You don’t need to communicate perfectly. What matters more is your willingness to repair and maintain the relationship. That’s what builds trust.
In the light of not needing to be perfect, sometimes saying something earlier than it feels comfortable stops it from festering. The longer you sit on a problem, the bigger it becomes. More emotion gets attached to it, and it becomes harder to say.
And when you’re already hormonal, stressed or tired, you don’t have the same capacity to hold it well. What might have been a simple, honest conversation a few days ago can come out sharper, heavier, more reactive because it’s been building under the surface.
Have you noticed how, when your capacity is lower, you’re more likely to take things personally?
It might be a tone, a look or the way someone replies, and suddenly it feels like something more than it actually is. In reality, most of the time, it isn’t.
This is where emotional regulation and self-awareness matter. Slowing things down and asking yourself, “What actually happened here?” rather than “What does this mean about me?” can prevent unnecessary conflict.
There’s also something powerful in letting go of trying to control how the other person responds.
When you feel vulnerable, it’s tempting to over-explain, soften everything or carefully craft your words just to get the “right” reaction. But this often takes you further away from honest communication. You can be thoughtful in how you communicate, but you don’t need to manage someone else’s emotions.
Clear communication isn’t about control, it’s about honesty.
And with that, naming where you’re at can make a big difference.
Saying something like, “I’m a bit tired today, so I might not say this perfectly,” or “This feels a bit harder for me to bring up,” creates context. It reduces misunderstanding and helps the other person meet you with more awareness.
It’s a simple shift, but it can completely change how a conversation lands.
I’m also learning the importance of not forcing conversations to be resolved in one go.
Sometimes we go into difficult conversations feeling like we need to tie everything up neatly, say everything perfectly and leave with full clarity. But that pressure can make things heavier than they need to be.
Not every conversation needs to be finished immediately. It’s okay to pause and come back to it when both people have more capacity. This is a key part of managing conflict in a healthy way. Sometimes the conversation needs some space.
A big one for me is taking responsibility for my state before I speak.
There will be moments where it feels like it’s about the other person, but actually, I’m just overwhelmed or tired In those moments, it’s not always about pushing through the conversation. Sometimes it’s about regulating myself first so I can communicate in a way I respect.
Because how you show up matters more than just what you say.
And underneath all of this is a bigger question I keep coming back to…
Who do I want to be when things feel harder?
Because when you’re in that state of tiredness or stress you don’t suddenly rise to a new standard, you fall back on what you’ve already practised.
So this isn’t just about handling tough conversations or improving communication skills. It’s about deciding the kind of person you want to be in those moments, especially when it’s not easy.
Life doesn’t wait for the perfect moment to have difficult conversations.
They show up when you’re tired, when you’re emotional, when you’re stressed and when your capacity is at its lowest. That’s why learning how to communicate during stress isn’t just a “nice to have”, it’s essential for strong relationships.
For me, the next 119 days aren’t about trying to control what’s coming. They’re about preparing for it.
Preparing by saying what needs to be said now.
Creating clearer expectations.
Practising honesty over perfection.
Building the habit of taking responsibility, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Because when the fourth trimester arrives, I won’t have more capacity; I’ll likely have less.
And the same applies to you.
Whether it’s a busy season in your business, a challenging period in your personal life or simply a week where everything feels a bit heavier, your ability to handle difficult conversations will shape your relationships.
So instead of waiting for things to calm down, ask yourself:
What conversations do I need to have now, while I still have the capacity to have them well?
Because the goal isn’t to avoid hard conversations.
It’s to become someone who can handle them – with honesty, responsibility, and intention – even when life makes it harder.
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